Today I am sharing a letter to you from someone who has seen things from quite a bit of my point of view. I like this letter for a few reasons ...for one, while I try to be a worthwhile writer, this writer is clearly intellectual and passionate about this subject...and even though we never have met except through the blogosphere, it seems she genuinely cares for me ...the world can use more like her. Secondly, she lets me be a fly on the wall of her experience ...those are the lesbian true stories I cannot find enough of. She also cautions me about what is to come in my life ..POINT TAKEN. I am sharing her correspondence anonymously, but with her permission. She is just a wonderful, enlightened individual ..and getting a letter like this is THE payback for writing this blog.
How lovely for you to email a personal response! Personalized recognition is a rarity, so I cherish the moment. Beyond this, I am very flattered that you want to use my response in your blog. You are most certainly welcome to post my words. Paired with your thoughts, perhaps other women can be helped and know that they are not alone in their plight.
See...I TOLD you this blog could be about more than just something to frig to :) (THANKS !) Keep writing and don't be discouraged by the lack of financial reward. The life of a writer is little rewarded. Even if you begin to submit to established publications, the payment is meager at most. Most people are surprised and assume that if an article appears in a recognized publication the writer was well compensated - not so. At most you can expect to receive only a few hundred dollars (and that is good). All said, write for YOU. Keep writing, write some more, and don't stop.
My writing ..especially my erotic writing ..aspires to be something that is enjoyed ..but has to be forgiven .. I think the best way to characterize it is that I am hoping to elevate the reader to heaven, while the english major may end up in the hospital. :) Allow me for a moment to share with you a little bit more of my experience as it may offer some point of reference and assessment to you. When I journeyed through my travails of cheating and the risk of discovery, and when the inevitable finally happened, it was excruciating. I, like you, had absolutely no one to talk with about my feelings, particularly while being stationed overseas and in the military. That was not the half of my story, because when I returned to the states, I really engaged in risky behavior. For example, my husband knew that I had gay male friends, so I would use the excuse that I was with my gay buddies to go out to see women. I can remember one night I went out and hooked up with the woman with whom I was having an affair. It was one of those times where I knew that I needed to get home, but I just couldn't leave her bed. I ended up staying out all night. I felt so low, and emotionally burdened. I just could not bear the weight of my secret life any longer, so I took a risk.
I can relate that I am taking quite a few risks at this time in my life ...like on a roller coaster in the dark where I don't know how it is going to end, but I have to keep riding. And now...my friend relates her experience.
I will never forget that it was very early at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning. I had decided that I could no longer keep myself hidden. I just needed to talk to someone, so I went to the one person who had always been there for me as a friend. I had never told her about my other life, even though we had been friends for years, even though she was like a big sister to me. My friend answers the door in her PJ's and tells me to come in, no questions asked, in spite of me being dressed in party regalia from the night before. We calmly go back upstairs to her bedroom because this was the hangout spot for her daughters and gal pals anytime we just dropped by house. We were always like teenagers at a sleepover. We go upstairs and casually lie theon her bed. She says nothing and continues to watch TV. She doesn't question or condemn, and continues as if everything is normal even though it's onthe crack of dawn and I'm supposed to be at home with my husband. I try to continue my ruse, but I couldn't hold it in any longer. I begin to cry uncontrollably as I confess to her my secret life, all the while fearing the loss of her friendship. At the end of my confessional, she simply says - "I know. I was just waiting for you to tell me." Then she hugs me." You would not believe the relief I felt in that moment. I was fortunate that I had a true friend who stood beside me and loved me without condemnation. We are still like sisters to this very day.
Of course you don't know me other than what I've written to you, but I would hope that we could nurture a friendship, because you WILL need someone to talk with openly. As you say, no one knows about the other part of you, and the burden to keep it all hidden becomes like weight of the world. I'm relating to you my own experiences simply to let you know that I understand. Right now, you have no one to talk with and that is the hardest part of this; so I am offering myself as a sounding board if you feel the need to talk. I was fortunate that I had a true friend who stood beside me and loved (loves) me. I welcome you into the new light of understanding as a new friend during the progress of your journey
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