Dear Jennifer
I have to say this to you in a letter. I rehearsed this so many times, that everytime I thought about talking to you face to face, that I felt I wouldn't know how to finish ..much less how to start.
From the first time I met you, I liked everything about you...and its become obvious to me that it's not just like ..but as we used to say in 4th grade...I like like you. I mean...I am attracted to you...that way ...and I don't want to lose you as a friend, but I also don't want to miss out on something deeper between us because I was afraid to tell you how I felt. If you are offended, I am sorry ... I almost didn't tell you because of that statement you made the other day at the store about how your pastor feels about gay marriage and how you agreed with him about alot of what he said. I wanted to start questioning you at that time about your feelings about bisexuality ..but it was hectic ..and im not sure I had the guts yet anyway. In fact as I write this email, I wont KNOW I have the guts until I actually click send.
I'm not ashamed of how I feel ...but you can understand I don't want anyone to know about this. You know how it is around here. Some people are just assholes. So ...if, as I expect there is a strong possibility, that you aren't interested in me "that way," then I hope you can resist the urge to tell everyone we both know what I have done here.
You may be asking if I am lesbian...I have to tell you I don't know myself. I think it is not bisexual that I am ..irregardless of my endlessly heartbreaking heterosexual love life. that you know all about. You may be asking if I have ever done this ...well..the answer is no ...not all the way anyway. Not enough that it counts ...just some experimentation at Jane's slumber party last year ...I tried to tell you when we talked about it that all those people who did something they think they regret..Well, I didnt do anything I didn't regret...and you know I didnt say I didnt do anything...just didnt do anything I regret :) In fact...probably wanted more to happen than what did. Is it ok if for now, I don't tell you who I was kissing with that night ? I will tell you eventually if you really want to know ....I just don't want this letter to be about that. The one I was with that night has made it clear that she "isn't that way," so apparently, my kisses didn't do the same for her as hers did for me.
I guess what I am telling you is that I have known for some time, even before Jane's party, that I have lesbian tendancies...and I go back and forth between them scaring me, and them really turning me on. Its gotten stronger and I knew for the last year that I was just waiting for the right girl ..and so ..the I am telling you the right girl is you.
I guess its true that I have not known how to step up and be what I am. I have had very very erotic and graphic dreams about women, and lately, about you specifically. If you want to know the truth, in my mind, I have had ALOT of lesbian experience ...just none for real ..skin to skin ..desire to desire. I want to feel that with you, and I believe you may probably want this with me as well, but here we are and ONE of us has to be the one to say it ...so it's me ..and this is how I am saying it.
I want our first kiss ....I want to pull you onto the bed with me. I want to show you the things I have been dreaming of every night now ..licking your body with my warm tongue ...against your neck, your thighs, your your beautiful breasts, and where your wetness spills out for me. I know I can show you that for me, this is not just about sex and having orgasms ...and ..it's not about experimentation ...cause for me, experimentation came at that party ...for me ...it's wanting to make love with you. I mean ..really make love. I want to give all of myself to you and let you now how wet it makes me to think of these things with you. I have been dreaming about your boobs and your pussy for so long it has been hard not to just blurt it out ..and I can't tell you how many times I have almost just kissed you...the latest was the other night after you let me give you that long backrub. Each time you kinda moaned and showed your enjoyment, I wanted to take the next step...I almost did ..and I just went home, laid in bed, did myself if you know what I mean...and decided to write this letter. I have to let you know how I feel, even if it is a big risk.
You KNOW I don't want anyone else to know about any of this. I want you to email me, or you can call me ..any hour is ok, my phone will be at my bedside on vibrate. We are best friends already...I dont want to lose that..I just want the next level.
Please tell me what you are thinking cause i will be on edge til i know how you feel.
Love
Brenda
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