The erotic odyssy intensifies
For two days I had thought so constantly of her and our meeting ...the fantasy of her which now after our "date" seems so real, and the reality of just how badly I want to know her sexually ...to give her pleasure and for how much pleasure that will give me. I have confidence that we have clicked enough to continue our "romance," but I have to remind myself not to get too high on all of this because she just might back away ...my euphoria may be or may become one sided ....and it would not be the first time that my hopes had been dashed. But how I would be crushed ...how strongly I long for her ...how emphatically I want her to want me as badly as I want her. But ....she gave me no choice but to leave the course of this infatuation to her ....for now I was to wait and yearn and hope and fantasize. Sooooo hopeful for more of her company, more of her touch, and consumation of the uninterrupted craving.
And this goes on for two days. My "just letting you know what a wonderful time I had with you" email goes unanswered, and my considerations for stopping by the store where she works are tempered by my determination to let her decide our lesbian destiny. I keep wondering if I conveyed my feelings to her too strongly, or perhaps not even enough. I remember how subtle I was at our meeting for most of it, but by the time we kissed, I believe I had completely showed the flood of emotion I know I was feeling...but I had no idea how she was processing all of this ....for me a kiss was a beggining of all that was to come, but for her, was our shared moment of passion just that...just a moment. It was driving me crazy with anticipation and I was almost ready to give up atn about 11am at my desk when my cellphone beeped and she sent me a text. And her text said it all...all I wanted to hear and the simultaneous flood of relief and flood of warmth between my legs as well.
hey girl...just thinking about you and sayin hi. Sorry I acted so stuck up the other day .... I had a great time. and...you're a good kisser ... the best! Sooooo Lets do something. hang out, or whatever ..make out ? blush .... Call me ....can you get away today ?
I read it a thousand times in 60 seconds if that is possible. Had she ever answered the questions and had even deliberatly taken my mind to her body. Schoolgirl happy about a girl who wasn't much older than a schoolgirl. How those few words did so much for me in that moment.
I couldnt get away ...and while at work couldnt really call from work....not and have the intimate discussion I might want to have...so I knew I had to text back. I realized I had never sent a text to a crush before...this was a first.
hey back...its great to hear from you...you weren't stuck up....and YOU are the best kisser . I haven't quit thinking about that kiss for one moment. I don't think I can get free to see you today. hope its not my only chance.
I read my text before sending and knew it wasn't how I felt ...for she had purposefully given me the thought of holding, kissing, touching and exploring...MAKING OUT ...it says alot. So...I thought about rewriting or not sending ...instead I thought about adding at the end :
...only chance to kiss more than just your soft sweet lips.
too much? I knew if I clicked send I wouldnt have to think about it. should I send should I send..im going to send ...send...and it was done. And relieved, and still with the buzz of all this resisting the urge to burst forth, I could get back to work. ANd I did for a few minutes before BEEP. With nobody in my office, I checked the text I knew would be from her, but had no idea how spicy:
and which soft sweet lips do you want ME to kiss? :)
Quickly on the phone I tapped:
what are you trying to do to me ? LOL Any kiss with us will be passionate ...and maybe some will be wetter than others.
And I can't believe it but ..SEND. Again. And I wonder if she will continue this...I am thrilled and excited ...never having been one for computer cybersex despite spending a good deal of time in lesbian chatrooms, but erotic texting was something I never had given any thought to before. She was doing this to me, with me ...instigating it no less ...and while I didn't want to always consider our age differences, the words that surfaced in my mind related to her were "dirty girl," and "vixen," a word I remember Simon Cowell using on American Idol once, and probably hadn't heard since ..yet my mind was attributing it to her. She knew she was teasing me. BEEP
Don't you know how wet ? Ever seen Niagra Falls ? jk. LOL ...wish this was your finger (did i say that-FLIRT) are you sure you cant meet today.....I HAVE to see you...just 5 minutes..just one kiss.. are you getting what I am saying ?
Sounds like u r starting w/o me. ..I wish you knew how happy you are making me while I am WORKING !!!! torture! ...Gawd what you are doing to me. You know it. I can call later....hope we can talk.
She took that hint and didn't text me back but that didn't stop me from wanting another communicatioin from her every minute. What an intense lust and need she had brought to the surface. Not just a "yes I am interested," but with her salacious notes to me, I had the knowledge that her feelings for me were as carnal as mine for her. As I continued my at work tasks as best as I could considering my completely detached mindest, the clock ticked towards a time when I could call her. I sent a quick text and she answered immediately.
Will your hands be free to answer your phone in 5 mins? I flirted.
and make my phone sticky ??? oooooh!
I excused myself to my co-workers to take a break and said I was running out to my car for a few minutes. When I called my heart was about to bea out of my chest. I kinda didn't know what to say ...so much having been implied in the text...would the audible conversation be that racy ? I intended not ..but my juices...clearly hers too..were flowing. I soooo hoped that she could go for what I had in mind ...a rendesvous the next day when I could get off work earlier and have a good deal of privacy.
WHen I called and we exchanged hellos, and I told her how good it was to hear her voice...and "so what are you reallllly doing today," was answered by a much more serious tone than her flirty texts of the previous couple of hours.
"Ive actually been writing you a looong email today," she said.
Fear of being rejected returned for a brief moment. "am I gonna like it when I read it ?"
"I think so ...its not bad ....I just need to tell you some things...need to let you know where my heads at....let you know that im ...(pause) well you will read it."
"you want to tell me you're not a lesbian?" I guessed.
"well yes ..but its more....but ..yeah thats part of it."
"please don't be afraid. Im ten years older than you and still don't know if Im ..whatever...but its ok...I told you already ,....I don't want anything you dont want....its .." I was about to remind her I wasn't pushing her when she began to pour quite a bit of her heart out to me ...letting off the steam of allll the emotions I had obviously stirred in her that had never been brought to the surface...
She raised her voice slightly and spoke swiftly..."You just made me feel like I never had a clue that I could be this way about a girl ...like...dont think this is all about the sex ya know...cause I'm sitting here thinking about all this and I'm liking you alot more than you probably get ...and your older and I'm younger and you're married and I got guys on my space throwin down and I'm not fucking denying that I wanted to kiss a gjirl for the longest time and see whatever happens no matter what but fuck, you like crossed my wires up my emotions are like...fucking anialhated and its like....its like two seperate thoughts...that I cant think s traight about what I want...and like I am totally completely clear what I want and fuck....I dont kniow what the hell we're gonna do or where we're gonna do it and whether or not my life is going to change or if it changed a long time ago or if it changed when you came into the store ...all I know is that I'm thinking about you always since Tuesday and I just totally gave up on guys the moment you came in and snapped your fingers. And I fucking KNOW it doesn't work like that ....I KNOW Im not gay ...fuck Im an adult I can do whatefer I fucking want but...but (instrospectively and slowing down) My whole sky color changed this week...I mean I'm on a different world girl... and I ....(her voice tails to softness and to catch her breath) ....I JUST need you to understand. Im sorry ..dont mean to shit on you"
wow...the breath knocked out of me as I realize ever moreso the gravity of this.
"you arent....please calm down....take a deep breath girl." I think I hear a sniffle from her tears on the other end. Im thinking simultaneously what I can say...and also...how am I going back to work...."so ..did you save any for the email ?"
"oh thats just the first page.." she laughs through the relieved stress.
"well you can tell me anything...and you know...this is so cliche but you know I have been there and thought alot of exactly what you are thinking and I was exactly your age." "I was going to tell you in an email if you didnt call today...that if you think this is about sex...like..if its about coming and just about having orgasms and all that...its NOT about all that...its about ...I know we don't know each other that well but I know how much I like you and how you keep making me feel ....if we ...I don't know how to say this right..but...I mean sex...or making love or whatever ...making out right ? if we hook up its ...i mean at least for me...I dont know how you feel ...but just dont think I wanna get my lesbian jollies and then screw it."
"I know"
"...and you can tell me anything"
"and you can tell me anything too."
"right...and ..so...send me that email and I'll read it and try to send you something back...and I just need this to be kind of a quick call...but I wanted to tell you I can get off work tomorrow at 1:00 and I'd have all afternoon if you want to meet....discreetly of course."
"oooooh" she whined ..." I need to see you today."
"i cant"
She whined again....begged please....I said I cant...again asked about tomorrow. "I'm usually off the earliest on Fridays...and no pressure...lets get together ..see what happens...tomorrow...ok ?"
And her answer dropped my ajw and brought us back to the tone of the text conversation...but it was the words this time combined with her voice that practically made me gush.
"ok...tomorrow ...but...only if its somewhere I can show you more the way I feel when we kiss then I did on Tuesday....like...if you'd met me today for five minutes??? I was going to french you for like..four and a half of those minutes....I gotta show you how you make me feel...I failed to do that before...understand?"
"Oh gawd girl...I dont want to go....but I have to."
How painful it was to break the conversation...to spend the next few hours in anticipation of getting home to read her email ...which confirmed to me something I was feeling so strongly, but was afraid to let myself thing about....that things between us were happening fast enough to presume that lust and consumation had now become the given. The new question to ask of our relationship ... before we had ever embraced in passionate anticipation of bliss and release...before I ever felt her nipple further stiffen between my lips ... even before we giggled as we shared with our fingers playfull under each others noses how completely drenched these kisses could inspire us to become...before these very erotic, and fullfulling sexual sensations would be known by both our bodies and our emotions and souls.... the new question to ask, because these carnal awakenings and realizations on that Thursday after our texts and after our phone call and her email....was indeed...a very weighty and emotionally serious question... how to handle, alongside the immenently enacted upon lust ....was the undenyable love that felt like it was blossoming."
For two days I had thought so constantly of her and our meeting ...the fantasy of her which now after our "date" seems so real, and the reality of just how badly I want to know her sexually ...to give her pleasure and for how much pleasure that will give me. I have confidence that we have clicked enough to continue our "romance," but I have to remind myself not to get too high on all of this because she just might back away ...my euphoria may be or may become one sided ....and it would not be the first time that my hopes had been dashed. But how I would be crushed ...how strongly I long for her ...how emphatically I want her to want me as badly as I want her. But ....she gave me no choice but to leave the course of this infatuation to her ....for now I was to wait and yearn and hope and fantasize. Sooooo hopeful for more of her company, more of her touch, and consumation of the uninterrupted craving.
And this goes on for two days. My "just letting you know what a wonderful time I had with you" email goes unanswered, and my considerations for stopping by the store where she works are tempered by my determination to let her decide our lesbian destiny. I keep wondering if I conveyed my feelings to her too strongly, or perhaps not even enough. I remember how subtle I was at our meeting for most of it, but by the time we kissed, I believe I had completely showed the flood of emotion I know I was feeling...but I had no idea how she was processing all of this ....for me a kiss was a beggining of all that was to come, but for her, was our shared moment of passion just that...just a moment. It was driving me crazy with anticipation and I was almost ready to give up atn about 11am at my desk when my cellphone beeped and she sent me a text. And her text said it all...all I wanted to hear and the simultaneous flood of relief and flood of warmth between my legs as well.
hey girl...just thinking about you and sayin hi. Sorry I acted so stuck up the other day .... I had a great time. and...you're a good kisser ... the best! Sooooo Lets do something. hang out, or whatever ..make out ? blush .... Call me ....can you get away today ?
I read it a thousand times in 60 seconds if that is possible. Had she ever answered the questions and had even deliberatly taken my mind to her body. Schoolgirl happy about a girl who wasn't much older than a schoolgirl. How those few words did so much for me in that moment.
I couldnt get away ...and while at work couldnt really call from work....not and have the intimate discussion I might want to have...so I knew I had to text back. I realized I had never sent a text to a crush before...this was a first.
hey back...its great to hear from you...you weren't stuck up....and YOU are the best kisser . I haven't quit thinking about that kiss for one moment. I don't think I can get free to see you today. hope its not my only chance.
I read my text before sending and knew it wasn't how I felt ...for she had purposefully given me the thought of holding, kissing, touching and exploring...MAKING OUT ...it says alot. So...I thought about rewriting or not sending ...instead I thought about adding at the end :
...only chance to kiss more than just your soft sweet lips.
too much? I knew if I clicked send I wouldnt have to think about it. should I send should I send..im going to send ...send...and it was done. And relieved, and still with the buzz of all this resisting the urge to burst forth, I could get back to work. ANd I did for a few minutes before BEEP. With nobody in my office, I checked the text I knew would be from her, but had no idea how spicy:
and which soft sweet lips do you want ME to kiss? :)
Quickly on the phone I tapped:
what are you trying to do to me ? LOL Any kiss with us will be passionate ...and maybe some will be wetter than others.
And I can't believe it but ..SEND. Again. And I wonder if she will continue this...I am thrilled and excited ...never having been one for computer cybersex despite spending a good deal of time in lesbian chatrooms, but erotic texting was something I never had given any thought to before. She was doing this to me, with me ...instigating it no less ...and while I didn't want to always consider our age differences, the words that surfaced in my mind related to her were "dirty girl," and "vixen," a word I remember Simon Cowell using on American Idol once, and probably hadn't heard since ..yet my mind was attributing it to her. She knew she was teasing me. BEEP
Don't you know how wet ? Ever seen Niagra Falls ? jk. LOL ...wish this was your finger (did i say that-FLIRT) are you sure you cant meet today.....I HAVE to see you...just 5 minutes..just one kiss.. are you getting what I am saying ?
Sounds like u r starting w/o me. ..I wish you knew how happy you are making me while I am WORKING !!!! torture! ...Gawd what you are doing to me. You know it. I can call later....hope we can talk.
She took that hint and didn't text me back but that didn't stop me from wanting another communicatioin from her every minute. What an intense lust and need she had brought to the surface. Not just a "yes I am interested," but with her salacious notes to me, I had the knowledge that her feelings for me were as carnal as mine for her. As I continued my at work tasks as best as I could considering my completely detached mindest, the clock ticked towards a time when I could call her. I sent a quick text and she answered immediately.
Will your hands be free to answer your phone in 5 mins? I flirted.
and make my phone sticky ??? oooooh!
I excused myself to my co-workers to take a break and said I was running out to my car for a few minutes. When I called my heart was about to bea out of my chest. I kinda didn't know what to say ...so much having been implied in the text...would the audible conversation be that racy ? I intended not ..but my juices...clearly hers too..were flowing. I soooo hoped that she could go for what I had in mind ...a rendesvous the next day when I could get off work earlier and have a good deal of privacy.
WHen I called and we exchanged hellos, and I told her how good it was to hear her voice...and "so what are you reallllly doing today," was answered by a much more serious tone than her flirty texts of the previous couple of hours.
"Ive actually been writing you a looong email today," she said.
Fear of being rejected returned for a brief moment. "am I gonna like it when I read it ?"
"I think so ...its not bad ....I just need to tell you some things...need to let you know where my heads at....let you know that im ...(pause) well you will read it."
"you want to tell me you're not a lesbian?" I guessed.
"well yes ..but its more....but ..yeah thats part of it."
"please don't be afraid. Im ten years older than you and still don't know if Im ..whatever...but its ok...I told you already ,....I don't want anything you dont want....its .." I was about to remind her I wasn't pushing her when she began to pour quite a bit of her heart out to me ...letting off the steam of allll the emotions I had obviously stirred in her that had never been brought to the surface...
She raised her voice slightly and spoke swiftly..."You just made me feel like I never had a clue that I could be this way about a girl ...like...dont think this is all about the sex ya know...cause I'm sitting here thinking about all this and I'm liking you alot more than you probably get ...and your older and I'm younger and you're married and I got guys on my space throwin down and I'm not fucking denying that I wanted to kiss a gjirl for the longest time and see whatever happens no matter what but fuck, you like crossed my wires up my emotions are like...fucking anialhated and its like....its like two seperate thoughts...that I cant think s traight about what I want...and like I am totally completely clear what I want and fuck....I dont kniow what the hell we're gonna do or where we're gonna do it and whether or not my life is going to change or if it changed a long time ago or if it changed when you came into the store ...all I know is that I'm thinking about you always since Tuesday and I just totally gave up on guys the moment you came in and snapped your fingers. And I fucking KNOW it doesn't work like that ....I KNOW Im not gay ...fuck Im an adult I can do whatefer I fucking want but...but (instrospectively and slowing down) My whole sky color changed this week...I mean I'm on a different world girl... and I ....(her voice tails to softness and to catch her breath) ....I JUST need you to understand. Im sorry ..dont mean to shit on you"
wow...the breath knocked out of me as I realize ever moreso the gravity of this.
"you arent....please calm down....take a deep breath girl." I think I hear a sniffle from her tears on the other end. Im thinking simultaneously what I can say...and also...how am I going back to work...."so ..did you save any for the email ?"
"oh thats just the first page.." she laughs through the relieved stress.
"well you can tell me anything...and you know...this is so cliche but you know I have been there and thought alot of exactly what you are thinking and I was exactly your age." "I was going to tell you in an email if you didnt call today...that if you think this is about sex...like..if its about coming and just about having orgasms and all that...its NOT about all that...its about ...I know we don't know each other that well but I know how much I like you and how you keep making me feel ....if we ...I don't know how to say this right..but...I mean sex...or making love or whatever ...making out right ? if we hook up its ...i mean at least for me...I dont know how you feel ...but just dont think I wanna get my lesbian jollies and then screw it."
"I know"
"...and you can tell me anything"
"and you can tell me anything too."
"right...and ..so...send me that email and I'll read it and try to send you something back...and I just need this to be kind of a quick call...but I wanted to tell you I can get off work tomorrow at 1:00 and I'd have all afternoon if you want to meet....discreetly of course."
"oooooh" she whined ..." I need to see you today."
"i cant"
She whined again....begged please....I said I cant...again asked about tomorrow. "I'm usually off the earliest on Fridays...and no pressure...lets get together ..see what happens...tomorrow...ok ?"
And her answer dropped my ajw and brought us back to the tone of the text conversation...but it was the words this time combined with her voice that practically made me gush.
"ok...tomorrow ...but...only if its somewhere I can show you more the way I feel when we kiss then I did on Tuesday....like...if you'd met me today for five minutes??? I was going to french you for like..four and a half of those minutes....I gotta show you how you make me feel...I failed to do that before...understand?"
"Oh gawd girl...I dont want to go....but I have to."
How painful it was to break the conversation...to spend the next few hours in anticipation of getting home to read her email ...which confirmed to me something I was feeling so strongly, but was afraid to let myself thing about....that things between us were happening fast enough to presume that lust and consumation had now become the given. The new question to ask of our relationship ... before we had ever embraced in passionate anticipation of bliss and release...before I ever felt her nipple further stiffen between my lips ... even before we giggled as we shared with our fingers playfull under each others noses how completely drenched these kisses could inspire us to become...before these very erotic, and fullfulling sexual sensations would be known by both our bodies and our emotions and souls.... the new question to ask, because these carnal awakenings and realizations on that Thursday after our texts and after our phone call and her email....was indeed...a very weighty and emotionally serious question... how to handle, alongside the immenently enacted upon lust ....was the undenyable love that felt like it was blossoming."
Post a Comment