It happened at christmastime sooo many years ago, so I can't help but think about it at this time of the year.
Of all the nights in my life, I think I most remember that one where years of fear of coming right out and telling another girl just how I felt sexually inside were going to vanish ..and in my mind, all would then be well forever. I thought she wanted the same things I did ..I felt she and I were just on the same vibe. I was SURE ..turned out to be wrong ...but SURE that she was "thinking about it" by evidence that she was talking about it and bringing it up and embarassed and shy about it as I was. There was even the baby oil backrub that I gave her one night that went on adn on and on when I wondered if she was going to invited me to her front and more. Probably was my best chance to act before the night in question.
The timing was so right. We were alone in her house that night, and knowing that we would be for this sleepover, on this day, I had been making my plans and gathering my nerve for the better part of a week ...had been intensely masturbating thinking of what would happen ..and of believing it would happen. This was to be my first night of lesbian love, HER first night as well, and in the way I had it figured, it would certainly not be the last.
My most vivid memories of that night:
....going down the hallway when I arrived to use the bathroom, looking in her bedroom, and looking onto her unmade bed, and thinking to myself "its going to happen right there TONIGHT."
....she kept feeding me delicious things as her parents had wayyy overstocked the fridge for the holiday ...and from the port wine cheese to the sausage balls to the homemade horseradish dip, all I kept thinking was to not overeat because sex, that glorious sexual adventure I was planning for us, and on a full stomach, would be no fun whatsoever.
...all the night, waiting for when oh when would be just the right time to "say it." No "natural" opportunites opened up ...which made me know that I just had to force the issue ...to gather my nerve I went to the bathroom again. and on my final trip to the bathroom before I "came out" to her, I peed, primped in the mirror and gave myself what seemed like a five minute pep talk.
....let me ask you ...have you ever settled into read that good book you heard about or are sure is going to be great, and you flip it open and there is the "introduction." ? I don't usually read them...maybe sometimes after I have read the whole book ... but whenever I have started to read them, just booorrriiing on the average. That night I had something to say to her ..something to ask of her ..and something to present that would change our very lives. My "introduction" just rambled and rambled. (you, the reader, are saying "somethings never change Brenda! LOL) I told her bout thoughts and deciscions and of not being really able to go another day without saying what I was about to say...begged her forgiveness in advance if I was about to put our friendship in jeopardy, and finally got to the point where I blurted out the real thing ..."SO>>>DO YOU WANT TO BE BISEXUAL WITH ME." and the feeling over my body was like nothing I have ever felt. I went literally, completely numb from my head to my toes in the matter of 2 seconds. I probalby almost passed out and gazed for her reaction.
Ummmmm if you havent already figured it out...she said no. She said emphatically no in fact ...and it was awkward cause the sleepover was still on and the buzz was still there and I was so in shock at being "wrong," about her that as I went to sleep and even the next day when I woke up, was still waiting for her to say something like "well ok ..I thought about it and ......"
That night would have been sooooooooo good for us ...for her especially. I always wonder if at some point in her life she had an "experience" and thought of me. Maybe its me that just cant let it go.
I wanted to kiss her on the neck & ear... wanted to reach under her top....help her out of her pajamas and meld her skin together unsure but yet so right. I dreamed of hearing her moans when I lowered my mouth to each nipple to lick and suck and explore. To squeeze the softness and to know the warmth and weight and reaction. I wanted to taste her and let us both rejoice in the pleasure both of us would get when she realized how passionate I was about her ...and in those moments the next level our longtime friendship would go to.
Our bodies would've been unsure, yet hot and released by nights end. Our minds might have been a bit gently screwed with in the realization of the newness of our change in relationship...but changes at that age come so frequently, what the bother.
Many times would she have known my mouth. Many times she would have known my desire for her completely ..and all these years later ..love unfullfilled.
Of all the nights in my life, I think I most remember that one where years of fear of coming right out and telling another girl just how I felt sexually inside were going to vanish ..and in my mind, all would then be well forever. I thought she wanted the same things I did ..I felt she and I were just on the same vibe. I was SURE ..turned out to be wrong ...but SURE that she was "thinking about it" by evidence that she was talking about it and bringing it up and embarassed and shy about it as I was. There was even the baby oil backrub that I gave her one night that went on adn on and on when I wondered if she was going to invited me to her front and more. Probably was my best chance to act before the night in question.
The timing was so right. We were alone in her house that night, and knowing that we would be for this sleepover, on this day, I had been making my plans and gathering my nerve for the better part of a week ...had been intensely masturbating thinking of what would happen ..and of believing it would happen. This was to be my first night of lesbian love, HER first night as well, and in the way I had it figured, it would certainly not be the last.
My most vivid memories of that night:
....going down the hallway when I arrived to use the bathroom, looking in her bedroom, and looking onto her unmade bed, and thinking to myself "its going to happen right there TONIGHT."
....she kept feeding me delicious things as her parents had wayyy overstocked the fridge for the holiday ...and from the port wine cheese to the sausage balls to the homemade horseradish dip, all I kept thinking was to not overeat because sex, that glorious sexual adventure I was planning for us, and on a full stomach, would be no fun whatsoever.
...all the night, waiting for when oh when would be just the right time to "say it." No "natural" opportunites opened up ...which made me know that I just had to force the issue ...to gather my nerve I went to the bathroom again. and on my final trip to the bathroom before I "came out" to her, I peed, primped in the mirror and gave myself what seemed like a five minute pep talk.
....let me ask you ...have you ever settled into read that good book you heard about or are sure is going to be great, and you flip it open and there is the "introduction." ? I don't usually read them...maybe sometimes after I have read the whole book ... but whenever I have started to read them, just booorrriiing on the average. That night I had something to say to her ..something to ask of her ..and something to present that would change our very lives. My "introduction" just rambled and rambled. (you, the reader, are saying "somethings never change Brenda! LOL) I told her bout thoughts and deciscions and of not being really able to go another day without saying what I was about to say...begged her forgiveness in advance if I was about to put our friendship in jeopardy, and finally got to the point where I blurted out the real thing ..."SO>>>DO YOU WANT TO BE BISEXUAL WITH ME." and the feeling over my body was like nothing I have ever felt. I went literally, completely numb from my head to my toes in the matter of 2 seconds. I probalby almost passed out and gazed for her reaction.
Ummmmm if you havent already figured it out...she said no. She said emphatically no in fact ...and it was awkward cause the sleepover was still on and the buzz was still there and I was so in shock at being "wrong," about her that as I went to sleep and even the next day when I woke up, was still waiting for her to say something like "well ok ..I thought about it and ......"
That night would have been sooooooooo good for us ...for her especially. I always wonder if at some point in her life she had an "experience" and thought of me. Maybe its me that just cant let it go.
I wanted to kiss her on the neck & ear... wanted to reach under her top....help her out of her pajamas and meld her skin together unsure but yet so right. I dreamed of hearing her moans when I lowered my mouth to each nipple to lick and suck and explore. To squeeze the softness and to know the warmth and weight and reaction. I wanted to taste her and let us both rejoice in the pleasure both of us would get when she realized how passionate I was about her ...and in those moments the next level our longtime friendship would go to.
Our bodies would've been unsure, yet hot and released by nights end. Our minds might have been a bit gently screwed with in the realization of the newness of our change in relationship...but changes at that age come so frequently, what the bother.
Many times would she have known my mouth. Many times she would have known my desire for her completely ..and all these years later ..love unfullfilled.
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