Hey ladies. One of my most read posts and one I still get emails about still even though it's ancient is called "A Lesbian Love Letter Unsent" While I work through my fantasy / reality writers block and deal with a very busy schedule, I found the inspiration to write another Unsent Lesbian Love Letter. She, is real ...but she is long gone from my life ...an opportunity that might have been something more if I had sent something like this.
I've been wondering for the last month if and when I was going to share this with you, and whether or not it would be in a talk, or in a email, or a phone call or what have you. This very moment, here at 1:32 am and while the wolf is leaving me alone for a minute, I think I am giving in and writing you a letter about some feelings and emotions and even more I think that I just can't go another day without saying in some form to you. So upfront, please let me apologize to you about doing this in email ...I am not able to say what I think I need to say here with whatever words would come out of my mouth (*and whatever word would be left behind) if we talked this out when we are done.
I almost told you when I said to you "I've got some deep dark secrets but not as bad as that girl," when we were talking about that newspaper story, and when you told me I could tell YOU what those secrets were, I ALMOST just spilled all of this there ..but the time wasn't right, and what I am about to write will either brings us much closer together, or could push us completely apart ...in which case I wasn't ready to deal with that reaction face to face. And I already told you that when we went that month without speaking after our fight, I experienced pain I don't want to experience again ...as hard as that pain was is as much as the joy is that we have rekindled our friendship so wonderfully.
And, knowing your schedule as I do, I know that when I hit send on this email, I know you will be alone (pretty sure), your phone will chirp, you will read this mail, and I will sit here, alone, waiting for you to either email back, or call me to talk about it. Yep ...it's a big deal ..so hear goes.
Lisa, we are two hearts so closely tied together and we share both immense compassion for each other ...and to just come right out and say it, I have this constant desire ...lesbian desire ...yes ..lesbian "wanna go down on you and make you come all night" sexual desire, which, as I write this and the tears well up in my eyes from the honesty, I pray you share for me as much as I have desire for you. As I write this and know I am about to send what I just said there, I honestly have no idea if you are going to say "I knew it all along," or if it was a big shock that I just wrote that ..just admitted that ..just poured my heart out in honesty
I remember how I fashioned those words a month ago. "Yes, I've done it with women and it felt right at the time, and if the same circumstances were there again I'd do it again." Yes, I wanted to say that to get you thinking, and I had two needs when I told you that ..ONE ...that our friendship not be altered in a negative way ..and I have noticed that you have not reacted "weirdly" to me at all since then ...but two ..was a hope that you would right then and there say that you wanted me (which of course you didn't) or that you would give the thought of "us" together and find a way to tell me. As I write this, I have got to admit that I believe there is at least a 40% or 50% chance (I'm such a math geek) that you are going to write me and tell me how completely heterosexual you are and that the thought of lesbian love has never even crossed your innocent mind. On the other hand, if I didn't believe whole heartedly that there is a spark between us, I wouldn't be taking this chance with this letter.
SO ...maybe its coming clear now ..but if it's not ...I'm alot LESS of a woman who experimented with bisexuality you might have thought about me, and it turns out, alot MORE of someone I believe the term for it you have used is "A big lez."
And ..with a major ..MAJOR crush on you.
I just cannot resist staring mesmerized into the soft color of your eyes, when we lock gaze, I am under a spell I don't care to be released from. These times lately when I can look into them and tell you are so upset, I just want to hold you so very tight, kiss your tears away and make you know how much I am always going to be here for you. So. the sisterly closeness, my dear, is how it is with us ...thats what girlfriends are and what girlfriends do and would do no matter what. I love having that with you and you know I say it all the time.
Here is the problem..or maybe not a problem at all.
At those times lately when you are so vulnerable because so many things are going on that I can't seem to solve with just a hug, I am looking deep into those eyes of yours and seeing the pink blush on your cheek, and wondering if you realize how much I am not wanting to stop at just our comforting embrace. When we hold each other tight those times, I feel you holding tighter too ..and I am relishing every moment of feeling the softness of your breasts against my beating heart, and I rub my own against your chest almost like a cat comes up purring against its masters leg. I just know you feel it and I know there is a sexual charge between us, but I also know that some women just "can;'t go there" and so ...you know, at least until this letter, I haven't dared push it. See, at those times I hold you it is ALL I CAN DO not to lower my lips to yours and devour you with the most passionate kiss I could ever give. It is ALL I CAN DO not to lower my lips to the tenderness of your shoulder and your neck and start to softly suck on you there. And Lisa, it is ALL I CAN DO when we are close and I am observing the roundness and fullness of your breasts not to just come right over and take them into my hands, lifting their weight and massaging each one while seeing the reaction upon your face and gauging your need. I have been close to you lately when I cant turn off the thought of taking your nipples into my mouth and having your breast against my cheek and your soul dancing with mine.
I am so attracted to you in so many ways, and it is so deep that I can't just resolve my feelings and emotions for you with a little kiss or a small confession. Like so many "drama queen" things about me (about us both) I need you to know that this letter says to you that in case you ever wondered if I had just a teeny crush on you (I'm sure you had probably figured out I'd "do you" by now) that it is SO huge and here I am blathering about it and surely knowing this very letter changes everything between us. As it changes...If you don't run scared for the hills...it changes now, at your pace. THIS is my big statement, and now, we go at your pace. But know where my heart and my lust is. I am so ready to take you to somewhere you will never return from, and might not ever want to. The pleasure I long to give you with my body and soul, my lips and tongue and all I know, is something quite from another universe . Not just once ...not just one night ...I want you behind closed doors to open yourself to me and let us thrive and blossom into an orgasmic mutual bliss of me giving all I can with all I have to you.
Call me and tell me you hate me and you never want to speak to me ..and I will accept that ...knowing by writing this I threw our friendship under the bus ...but satisfied and able to sleep at night because I couldn't keep it inside any more.
OR
Call me and tell me you won't fuck me but you will still be my friend...you'll have to buy me KFC if thats the call you make. LOL.
OR
Call me and tell me you cant wait for me to devour your body, your breasts, your nipples and your warm wet treasure with the wholeness of my complete passionate soul. Tell me how fast or slow to take this as we jump together into this lake of sharing our sisterly love to do whatever we may do in secrecy behind closed doors where nobody needs to know what we can mean to each other. Call me and tell me you are ready for this with us ...the next level, emotional, sexual, and trusting. Let me give you my everything in bed and in my spirit. Call me and tell me you will allow me.
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