It has been for me now 400 plus days since my lesbian sexual liason. In my "double life" that I lead as a small town married mom who has realized that "bisexual" is no longer the term that describes me, for as a woman who had come to call herself "lesbian" in her heart, mind, in blogs and in confessions to befriended fellow travelers, I have come to accept that "Lesbian" for most women is a lifestyle. My lifestyle is decidededly NOT lesbian. It is small town christian married mom, and thats something that doesn't lend itself to the "lesbian"
that I know I truly am. But for me, at least for now, lesbian is what I am in lust (not just daily, but minute to minute), in bed with all my passion (but not there in more than the previously mentioned 400 plus days) and in masturbatory fantasy (not nearly as much time or privacy as I used to have.)
So ..with many changes in my life, the lust builds and builds and builds. And yes, there have been chances to get my face wet, but those have not felt right or haven't panned out, or especially lately, have not come close to having the time or freedom to explore. And yes, it makes my heart hurt, and yes, I accept the emails from those who say "just come out honey, it will be allright." I think I will get there ..I've been close to it a few times. Til then I will keep carrying the weight.
But Gawd I miss that.
The response of her tongue in that first kiss ...the mutual melting ...the holding each others weight up for the knees that weaken in torrid embrace ...oh how I miss that.
When I pull up on the laptop any kind of lesbian porn that has me believing they aren't so faking and acting, and one womans eyes flare at the other in surprise of what was done by lips or tongue, or when her eyes roll back in sheer pleasure ....I KNOW what thats like, I have made women feel that before, and yes, Gawd I MISS that.
When I remember times when a lovers nipples stiffen at the flick of my tongue, soften when I suck, and poke outward again at the gentle graze of my teeth, gawd I miss that. When a soft skinned, free of body hair, large breasted woman plops directly on top of me and begins to writhe, either kissing me, sucking my earlobes, gnawing my neck and skin meshed against me -breast to breast, thigh to thigh, let's me know how "into me" she is, oh GAWD I miss it sooooo much.
In going down on her, the squirming, clutching, thrusting, or even still freezing, combined with the sounds of her cooing, moaning, sometimes screaming or squealing, in pleasure or disbelief or in loving appreciation ...the rumbling, quivering, pulsating muscle tightening, intensifying to the apex of her explosion as I lick it, suck it, sloppy, passionately, with EVERYTHING I have to give, oh gawd how I miss that.
And the connection ...when established ..when I can give her my pleasure and the power of my own eruption devours our emotions, and the following bliss of sweet holding, soft caress and massage, and the COMING (cumming as everyone loves to spell it) becomes the wonder of coming down. And oh my goodness how I miss that ...so much.
I miss it with those whom I have tasted, desired to taste, and when the number of days get reset to zero, whenever that is, I'll miss it with her.
