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Oprah Winfrey Does Porn For Women - And I got a huge compliment


Oprah Winfrey did a show on women who love porn and erotica and came up with a figure of something like 1 in 3 women do it, to which I am sure 2 in 3 were aghast, and the rest of us went "I am not alone ! " But best thing was Violet Blue did the best job ever of explaining the difference between porn and erotica, and I would like to share that.  

"Porn is something that is a graphic sexual image that conjures up an animalistic reaction in you. You like it or you don't," she says. "Erotica also is graphic sexual imagery, but it has an extra component or several extra components that resonate with the viewer—be it artistic, be it passionate, be it something that emotionally engages you, be it something that parlays into a fantasy that you have about sexuality or the way that you relate to the people on screen."

If you're overwhelmed or intimidated by porn, Violet suggests a little online exploration. "The Internet has really made it possible for the average woman to peruse porn in safety and on her own terms," she says. "Women can engage with other women about porn online, as well.





Next ...I am a contributer to the top online amateur erotica site, "Literotica," and entered my story about "Young Kate" on Literotica.    I got the biggest complimentary review:

"What a perfectly marvelous tale of lesbian seduction, and sweet satisfaction. Kate's willing acceptance of her older friend's sapphic overtures was handled with just the right combination of finesse and repressed lust. Brenda is true to her calling and it's so pleasing to see how sweetly she brings her teenage protege into the lesbian appreciation society. When I read such a wonderfully-composed story, I have to imagine such a discovery happening in real life....as I'm sure it does.

Your talent for the subject is too obvious to deny. How many sexually-frustrated married moms are out there just waiting for the right opportunity to explore their bi-side ?



Oprah and the review made for a good day.  And I have a crush that is as big as the cornfields in the midwest.

Finally, a little housecleaning for regular readers...I wrote a teaser about making love with a strap on recently, and a couple have written to ask me how that went or how it is going.  Short answer, ain't gonna happen.  At least not at this point in my life.  I am not ready and she and I are no longer anticipating intimacy.
Almost finished with my latest and will post on Friday :   THANK you for reading this blog, check out the archives, friend me on facebook, and send me an email at akiss2desire@gmail.com

ONE OF THE TOP 50 LESBIAN DATING BLOGS

As a blog writer I sometimes come across another blog that has won some kind of award of recognition.  I get some wonderful and thankful emails from the readers of this blog, but the accolades have been few and far between, and probably deservingly so because what I write about is so niche.  I was thrilled to open my email this week and find that this blog has been named one of the "Top 50 Lesbian Dating Blogs." by Lesbian and Dating.net  http://www.lesbiandating.net/blog/.  Not only was I honored, but a few of my favorite blogs were noted for which I was honored to be named in the same post as.  I am truly not worthy, but will keep at it :)  If anyone knows of an award or accolade I could put my blog in the running for, do me a solid and email me here. Thank You So Much.

I'm a Lesbian Phone Sex Mentor


I'm A Lesbian Phone Sex Mentor
Lesbian Erotica by akiss2desire
all right reserved
feedback to
akiss2desire@gmail.com 
We were talking on the phone about how much we wanted to be together ...how much we missed each others touch. While we both tiptoed around the L word (love ...the lesbian part was no longer in question for either of us) we each were very comfortable telling each other how wonderful the other was as a lover. It was just small talk...lovey dovey talk ..and pretty much, could have been construed as "just checkin in to let you know I am thinking about you" talk until she started to give me indications that she was interested in being more intimate than our devotional, flirtatious conversations had gotten us to.

What I would prefer to call "phone intimacy," but most would call phone sex, and who am I to deny that, is something that I have not only dabbled in a dozen wonderful times from some genuinely wonderful, erotic, and vocally orgasmic women I have met through the vast exploration of my lesbian self on the two dimensional internet. It became a great way to take something that I did (we all did ?) a time or two before getting "over" it pretty quickly, cyber sex, and take that to another, more personal, and intimate level. I think that pretty much, when you meet a woman, (a real woman ..and I know that is not always an easy thing) in a chatroom, it pretty much answers alot of questions in that there isn't much doubt that the two of us have arrived with our lesbian sexuality at the very least on our mind, and likely, time and privacy permitting, will be handed over to each others own fingers, palms, and / or the trusty vibe. Getting to the point of trusting someone enough to make that leap with you , and you trusting them as well, means that over the years, phone sex with women ...online strangers who became over the course of an afternoon or a few talks and emails the gasping and sultry voiced sisters in mutual orgasmic bliss thanks to AT & T, was pretty much few and far between. And while I realize that what I am describing is far from something considered as "real sex," and is understandably not for everyone, (the "You say it best when you say nothing at all" amongst us), for me as a small town closet bisexual (lesbian !) mom with very little free time and a few long dry spells between skin to skin lovers, the "phone thing" has been something I have enjoyed over the years as a way to come WITH someone as opposed to just coming alone inspired by whatever chat, vid, or passionate lesbian erotica that was available to coincide with the "me time" I had set aside for my favorite pastime since my first masturbatory orgasm when I was in 5th grade.

I remember the first two phone sex experiences I had. I had been propositioned a few times for it and had turned it down..and that was with women I had been chatting with regularly, I just wasn't ready to do "THAT" with a woman, although I had done it with boyfriends a few times and also with two different guys from the internet, both coincidentally from Alabama, (don't know why that sticks with me) and both of whom hung up as SOON as they reached orgasm. Left me very cold. The time I finally did it was with a girl who was curious and inexperienced ...at the time I had only been with two women myself ...and she said something like "I hope I am not being too forward but I was wondering if we could call each other and see whatever happens." I have to say it was very weird at first and neither of us knew what to say, but each of us shared our orgasms with one another in descriptions of what we'd do with each other gasped between moans and other sounds of sexual excitement ..and to ME it was soooo good that I wanted to do it again with her. However, she had a religious epiphany and claimed that her lesbian feelings were wrong in the eyes of the church ...you've heard of women turning other women gay???? Apparently, at least at that time in her life, phone sex with me had turned a woman well on her way to the glory of lesbian experiences straight. Bummer !

The second experience ..(as well as the 3rd, 4th and a few more after that) was with a woman in the DC area with whom I was talking about meeting with. We never did that, although it had been a possibility unfullfilled for about a year. But, in her office, she could talk with me in a normal conversational tone, pretending she was on a business call if someone came up, and while her "sexy" talk was very limited in this situation, she very much ...and I very much ...enjoyed the buildup of my own orgasms on phone and sharing them with her that way. Her relief would come when I was done, she would excuse herself to the ladies room. It was dangerous and wonderful and I soooo much wish she had become a lover in the flesh.

In my lesbian phone sex experiences I developed a preference to be already turned on and at the point of getting off before the call was made ..and for the conversation to NOT be about "what I will do to you and you to me," although, because that's what some of the women I called clearly wanted, I, as the giving lover I am ..even on the phone ...gave into that mentality.

Now, it must not go unsaid the times that there was a man on the other end of the call I made was numerous. I've no interest in writing about this other than to say it is just AWFUL ...the worst was the woman who started doing it with me, and her man picked up the phone and said the most vile and disgusting things I could ever hear ..as if that would cause me to continue. It STILL makes my stomach turn to think of it. Yes ..I had been fooled completely a few times into believing, or WANTING to believe that a character on the other end of chat was who they said they were. You live and learn, but it never made me quit seeking these enjoyable to me experiences.

With trust I've found release this way more times than I can believe ...and most everytime it happened it was fulfilling. I love the compliments of how "sexy" my voice is, or the college student in North Carolina who did it with me 3 times over the course of several years who sought me out in saying, "I just love the way you sound when you let it go," and the apparently fairly rich housewife in Houston who I showed me her cam while I watched her on the vid and heard her through the phone to volcanic results. She was at one point , at least she said, willing to fly to Virginia to be with me if I could block out a weekend ...something a bi-mom in the closet can't do.

One woman did in fact share a phone orgasm with me before we shared a bed ...but again, I had not really had a phone thing with anyone AFTER I had done it. However, phone sex with strangers, or at the very least, women from far enough away that they aren't possibly just coming over for coffee anytime soon, being something in my comfort zone, doing it with someone who has been your lover, or might potentially be a skin to skin quenching of the constant lesbian thirst, is something I never experienced. And I wouldn't probably initiate it ...but she had never done this ..and apparrently she got a bug up her butt to provoke me ...and this erotic conversation and experience ensued.


"I just wish you were here to hold me." I said. Our relationship has room for much romance in addition to the sex and I was trying to let her know I was on the same page as her where thats concerned.

"I want to do so much more than hold you." --- A usual flirtatious remark, but this time was different. Her voice as she said this told me as much as the words did...there was an absolutely, unmistakeably horny lilt in her voice ...so much so that I wondered if she hadn't already begun to touch herself. That thought urged my palm directly towards my own pulsing need.

"Do you know how good your tongue is babe...I mean seriously, do you have any earthly idea just how amazing it is when you do what you do with your mouth?" she gushed, making me gush in a totally different sense of the word.

"Well...I've been told some things," I smiled ...laughed a little ...relaxed a little and enjoyed her affectionate comments.

"I mean...sometimes you are licking me or sucking on my clit and I am thinking "how do you know how to do this to me," and I guess I ...I mean ..I just think its not just cause it's cause we are two women ...it's...."

I finished her thought "...its because I care so much for you.....its because everything that I want to experience flows through you and the pleasure you feel ...its like ever time I hear you moan or cause your legs to quiver or quake, its like I feel that all through my own body."

"I am feeling that with you too ...but", her voice trailed into resignation and lack of confidence, "I don't think, when we're making love ...I just don't think that I'm doing to you what you do to me."

"Oh STOP that ...don't say things like that ...do you need me to moan even louder ? " I said enthusiastically, and I realized she just needed reassurance, and searched my mind for the right thing to say. "When you go down on me, (its always a struggle to choose those words when I am thinking "eat me," or "suck me") "its like I feel alot more than just what your tongue and fingers do ...you understand ? I can feel ...its almost like I can feel what you are thinking."

"It's never been like that with anyone else," she said softly ...in resignation that I was right.

"....Sooooo
ummm
have you ever had phone sex with any girls?
"I have," I confidently admitted.
"Welllll...how um....how does ... exactly does that work ...i mean..Ive done it with boys and all ..but ...how does it work if its a girl?"

My voice lowered in timber to find a seductive tone," Is that a proposition baby?"

"I think so (she whined slightly)...I mean...I don't know... but ...I just can't tell you how horny I've been today and I just wish you could be here ...right now..I'd attack you. But ...I'm just asking...how you do that ...I never did it before."

I laughed the truthful laugh, "there's alot I've done you haven't done," and she laughed as well with me. I continued, "You never had a girl like me who you could phone fuck with....but now...maaayyybbe you do."

"Well I don't want to make a jerk of myself..I just don't know how...so HOW have you done it?"

In the low timber I admitted, "I've had some good experiences that way to be honest."

"You have ?"

"Always orgasmic thats for sure."

I realized that by the fact we were so deep into talking about HOW it could happen, already meant that for the most part, we were already having sex this way ...and even though I'd done this before, I must relate that I was still nervous in how to proceed and where it was going. "I think the times i did it ...I did it with girls i met online in aol and yahoo chatrooms...there was this one girl who would chat with me online and we'd exchange these very erotic pictures ..and anyway ..she was at work and I was at home and I'd be like "I wanna be with you when you come ..I want to hear your moans and all that." So ..she would say as long as I was cool with it that she was in an office with an open door and couldnt be doing alot herself ...but wanted me to call her and so sure enough, we'd be talking and whispering and id be masturbating and eventually coming .and as it was building up, she would have to greet people that came in in her normal office voice..."yeah...i called that client and she said it would be taken care of..." or something like that and ..like sometimes the conversations would take a few seconds ...or a minute ...and then she'd back with me with,'"ok Im alone" and we'd start back up. What she would do is be with me on the phone until I got off and sometimes got off again ..and then she'd eventually get to go to the bathroom and finish herself. I couldnt hear that part ..but I could definitely hear how excited she was getting while maintaining her professionalism in the office. It was an extreme turn on and we did this about 7 or 8 times."

Though I could still hear the horniness in her voice,she could always get me talking about something when she was intrigued about something, especially something sexual. She just saw me, it seems, as such a sexual mentor. "So like ..how did you ...like did you describe what you'd do...i mean..with the guys I've done it with, we like ..I'd basically describe how i'd suck it ...you know..how id give him head and then hearing him beat off and breathing hard and telling me how good it was when we were making love would excite me and eventually he'd come ..and a couple of times I did too ..but usually I just faked an orgasm ....but it was still pretty hot. Mostly I just wanted to hear him beat off ya know ....Oh I am sooo sick and perverted."

"You aren't sick...I think alot of people do it."

"So its just like having phone sex with a guy ..but just with a girl? " She had it a little too simple, but I think she just was ready to start doing SOMETHING ....it was a segue comment.

"No ..you know its different without even asking me. It's just about being with someone while you are turned on ...I mean I did it with one girl and .."

"Brenda," she interrupted, "just HOW many times have you done it with girls ..if you dont mind me asking."

"I don't mind ...its like...well ...its more than ....its around a dozen women I guess....and like .its different every time. Like I was saying with one girl, she wants to tell you all this, if we were together first i'd do this and then I'd do that to you" and I just wasn't really into it that much. There have been a few that wanted it that way ..and I just have to explain to them thats not me. But ...its better to just be with someone that you know is as turned on as you and hear each other getting closer and coming. But its to each their own I guess. I think every time I ever did it I was already completely soaked by the time we even dialed up ..so the coming and the moans and groans were unavoidable."

I heard a smile in her voice. "Well...I wanna with you....will you with me?"

"I'll do anything with you...just know its different with you because ...we make love."

""Maybe it's better," she said astutely."so how do we do this." I guess it's up to me ...wondering if I was up to the challenge.

"Well ..I don't need to ask you if you're horny cause you already are telling me that," I said.

"....yeah....i mean...do YOU want to ..its not just about me?"

"Oh gawd I'm so wet every time we talk ..no matter what."

"yeah me too"

"its always like that"

"yeah ..me too"

"Well ...why don't you explain to me ..not what you'd do to ME ..but I'd like to know what its like when you make yourself come ...like when you are alone .."

That was an idea...but I had other ideas and would clip comfortably into another way of building her excitement.

"Well ...I usually, almost always start with my boobs and just stroke them and grasp one or then the other sometimes....my nipples get....ummm... erect ...stiff...and begin to ache a pleasant ache ..and then sooner or later I start to finger myself a little and then, alot, and when its time to come I go fast and concentrate more and try to let it go the most i can ...so I find if I let myself make noise I can come longer and harder and better. "

"I want to watch you do that," she said, and I replied, "and I want to watch you do yourself." "We can do that sometime." "Yeah maybe."

"Do you use one hand or two," she asked.

"I use both ...but its hard to do that with one hand on the phone " I laughed," I think I almost always do it like I use my left hand when I start and get it wet and get relaxed...and then, I lick my fingers on my right hand so they are warm and wet when they ...ummm...join in ..and then its like its on...and then its like...my right hand is either fingering my clit at various speeds ..and textures ...and my other hand is either pulling back my lips, or touching whatever other erogenous zones demand attention ...or are squeezing and lifting my tits." I knew what I was telling her was exciting her and could hear her breathing indicate I was having an effect on her. I began to tickle my clit as I talked to her and imagined she was already going over herself...I just wondered how far so far ..but I didn't dare yet ask.

"Do you suck on your tits while you are doing it ? " she inquired.

"Almost every time at least a little. Not much but I like to be reminded of both how it feels to have them sucked..and you know how much I love sucking on a woman's breasts. And yours darling are the most wonderful."

"Whys that?"

"The skin is so soft and creamy, your nipples get so hard in between my lips, and oh...mmmmm ," I moaned into the phone," "I'm thinking of how good it feels to suck them and feel you react, and finger your wet pussy while I do it."

Her breathing was shallow and response almost terse..."you are?"

She was getting hornier by the second ..or, like me, had started this process that way. We were going fast and it was time for me to take her.

" Why dont you take your fingers and circle them around your nipples. Tell me about your npples."

Well that makes them large..and hard.

"Pinch them...pull them away from you."

"mmm kay' The gasp and sound of excitment in her voice let me know she was doing as I directed.

I began to show my own excitement heightening now as I spoke to her ...forcing out on a few words or a phrase in betweenpauses while I considered what to say next...and while I considered what motion to provide to my pussy, teasing it with my free hand, but not fully furiously fingering just yet. "when I suck on your npples baby....(pause) I love how hard they (pause) are (long breath adn a pause) ...the way the get soooo stiff in between my lips....ohhhhh gawd it feels so good to suck your nipples."

"are you fignering your pussy like I love to do?" She asked...perhaps willing to assert control, but I was not ready to pass the baton. "Yes...slowly teasing...keeping it interested...but don't you do it yet...keeping pinching your nipples for me...do you want my mouth on your tits ?" "yes" "Then suck....your....nipple for me...put the phone down if you need to im here...im with you." "I dont need to ." and the wonderful sound of her sucking her nipple came through the phone line. She moaned into both the phone and her tit, and my pussy throbbed even more. "i'm gonna suck on mine now mmm kay." and the answer I got was a muffled moan into her tit which I could imagine she was really sucking on hard.

"are you ready for my fingers now baby" "aauuughh" which I took to mean yes, and the sound was a clear releife for she was needing to advance.

I said a word I almost never say ...but thought for certain it would make her hotter ..for it would make me hot to say it. "Tell me how et your .....cunt is?" I ennunciated the word like a news broadcaster. The timber of her voice went a full pitch higher. "ooooh..im sooooo wet. Oh how I need to come."

"not yet baby...not yet...please wait for me." And what she said back was a faint "uh huh" but I could hear in her voice she was losing control.

"Oh please please please please Brenda," she moaned the whispered words. "Please what bbaby," "suck my pussy like you do ...please make me come ..oh..mmmm..please I need to let it go."

"I wanna put my lips around it, suck it like a little stiff cock and twist my tongue all around it," I said and them moaned, "mmnnggg" while my tongue made the motion in the air in front of me.

"suck ...my.....cunt" she said the word back to me and I rumbled head to toe with an electrical charge of excitment while my fingers crawled inside me to add top the sensation of my circling thumb on my clit. "Im fucking myself but I can only think of you."

"I want you to take your finger and slowly circle your clit...not on your clit..jus slowly around it...at the base of it...push against it...but not right on your clit...can you do that." "yes...oh yes...." "now get your finger in your wet pussy," "so wet", (now long hard breaths between each word if not syllable" and ////baby ...///its.///time...to////finger yourself...as fast as my tongue wants to lick your pussy and feel your juices all over my lips, and chin, and ..." and that was it for me and...for her too.

We quit talking ..we both started panting, moaning, calling each others name, sometimes one after the other, sometimes at the same time. "im coimng ," followed by a predictable "I'm coming too," and the sounds of both of our convulsions and orgasmic delights went into our phones and to each others ears and loins and further into each others hearts.

Akiss2desire on Chat Rooms, Cyber Sex, Phone Sex, and buying a Strap On for Lacy


This is probably my most personal, revealing post ever.  Letting it out here.   Think I found the right picture to illustrate though..except I am bbw and Lacy is ..well she isnt.

There is someone I met online that is captivating me in a way that I have not been captivated by an online friend in many a year.   Lacy is UBER smart ..while it is probably clear to those who read my writing often that I am far from it.  She is my needle in a haystack ...the woman I hope to meet (as in for real...not just online)  who lives 2 hours drive nearby and makes me feel comfortable enough to believe that we can take what we are doing online to the next level.   We have made love on the phone, next for us is a real meet with a comfortable bed. We are ready for stage three ...and she has gotten me to do something I thought I might never do ...which I will more fully explain at some point ..but she has gotten me to order a strap-on. Oh I know the hard core lesbians that read my blog are having a good laugh about that ..why I feel so tramatized LOL.  But, she has convinced me its what she wants and prefers when / if we make love ..and the concession I have asked of her is that we don't use it the first time we are together.  SO ...first time without, and if there is a second time, I presume I am going to be doing something I have never been sure I'd be comfortable with ..but I am a giver in bed, and her experiences have led her to believe that this is not only what SHE wants, but also, what I would want when we are together.  It's coming in the mail.  I did it.  I ordered it after agonizing over whether or not I should spend the money and which one to buy.   So be it.   (Am I a dyke now ?) So, let me give you history / background on the online experience that has come to this point.

First of all, I don't engage in cybersex but that is not to say that while we talk we are not having some sort of sex ...its just not typing what we'd do to each other.  I need to admit that I have been getting off with women and unfortunately and unintentionally men pretending to be women for what is now 16 years ...after the first cyber experiences at age 16 with first men, then women met in AOL chatrooms.   There were soooo many men who were seeking someone underage, who got the immediate boot, and the ones who didn't quite believe I was really 16 or even female, but still hung on to conversations curiously were less of a turn on as well.   I developed a rapore with a lesbian wife of a farmer, something a little too similar to what I have now become so many years later, who didn't live but an hour away from me, and who was the first to require that I call her to prove I was female.  After that, we had some extremely steamy conversations online but she said she would not actually do anything with me sexually until I was 18.   I remember trying pretty hard to pursuade her to change her mind ...it wasn't to be and we lost touch without consummating.  It has been a long time but I seem to remember at just the time she said she would give in and meet me ...she vanished.   Back then I would do the kind of cybersex that is "i do this and you do that."   At that stage in my life I was bi-curious by definition ...having not actually done the things I was typing about doing.  I am now not interested in that ...does nothing for me, I don't know why.    I do remember that at that time I would play online with men and boys and had typed out and saved my description of the perfect blowjob.   WHY did it seem like so much fun to get guys off with the same description cut and pasted again and again ...ONE time even posing as a boy and talking with another boy from a nearby high school, exposing his own bi curious side.   These were interesting experiences in primative social networking situations.   Some of this has changed, some has not as I am solicited on a day off with privacy by online friends and acquaintances on facebook,   AIM (which I am new to and learning) and yahoo, which   Yes, when I have a morning off, or a whole day with privacy and can let myself believe that I can waste time online like this, I go looking for love in the wrongest of places just HOPING to find the needle in a haystack friend or lover ...or orgasmic experience ...preferring to find someone to explore  phone intimacy with (a nice girls word for phone sex) because that at least answers the question as to whether or not it is one of the numerous men pretending to be lesbians online. Years ago when yahoo had rooms that were VERY specific, such as "bi virginia moms," (those rooms aren't around anymore) I actually found not one but two lovers that are two of the better experiences with women I have had.   I never rule out that it could happen that way again, but the bi virginia mom rooms, the lesbian phone sex rooms, and the like, are long gone. 

And so, as it goes, half of any conversation online is determining who is jerking my chain. At some point is a determination as to whether our conversation will be about past experiences, future desires, or just chit chat with an erotic bent.  I always think that when you meet someone in a lesbian chatroom, the questions of "are we horny" are pretty much already answered.  But those looking for picture exchange (only), video chatting, cybersex are dismissed, I always hope to find someone who is either nearby enough to consider really meeting, or at least interest me, and I her, enough for a connection to be established and excitement to become foreplay for the masturbatory morning that becomes a shared experience.  I always go to chatrooms first when I plan to masturbate, and if it does not work out there I move on to finding lesbian erotica or trying to find flat out lesbian pornography that seems somewhat genuine and not so fake ...a difficult task....but, always gets the juices flowing and the desired effect achieved.  (have you figured out how much I love to masturbate yet ? LOL)  

Then there is lesbian phone sex.  I wrote about it before, but its just a very intimate thing to connect across the country with someone like that.  Meet in a lesbian chatroom and everyone knows from the start that we both are horny.  Now what to do with it.  I am a noisy orgasmer when I can be...it lets me let it out.  So much more interesting to me to masturbate with emotion rather than just technique ...and the few times that I have actually made a phone connection, it has been a very erotic experience. Arriving at orgasm, hearing her arrive at orgasm that either my chat words or words from this blog have inspired.  Yes, when its over I feel a little guilty and ...where is the cuddling and afterglow ...not there at all.  But for something more than static finger it and get it done masturbation, cybersex will never do it for me because of the likelihood that it is not a woman you are really talking to.  Those questions are answered wholeheartedly on phone. 

Ok...I am getting jaded a bit after so many years and hearing so many lines and being able to predict 85 to 95% of what anyone is going to say or do or react online in chat ...so thats why Lacy is the absolute exception to everyone I ever talked with. For one thing, she is lesbian, not bisexual, and at 26, 6 years younger than me, is as plain jane as to the casual observer as they come.  I think she is absolutely beautiful, but the nerd look glasses, pictures she has sent me with no makeup and the topless pictures show her as no larger than a B cup with the longest, pinkest, most succulent nipples I ever imagined.  She has only ever been with one woman, and her 4 year relationship broke off and left her devastated.  Her sincere earnestness in our conversations has thrilled me to no end.  I haven't yet ...and may never...told her of this blog.  She uses five dollar words with ease, talks about politics and issues and relationships in a category of understanding that is so far beyond me, yet never makes me feel dumb or uneducated or anything other than the girl she has become close to. She doesn't nag me to "come out," like most other true lesbians I have chatted with, and doesn't judge my situation.  She doesn't mind that I am a "big girl."   She, I think, totally understands my need to give pleasure.  

When Lacy and I talk about sex, she shares that her former girlfriend was wonderful to her at first, but they have had so called "lesbian bed death," for the past 3 years and yet never broke  it off until she came home and caught her cheating with her best friend, a girl who she had spurned the advances of to stay true to her roomate, only to catch her roomate in bed with.  Its against the backdrop that she wont even consider a relationship with anyone, and thus, feels like I am perfect for her in that I am ill equipped for anything more than casual sex ...having said that, I am incapable of anything approaching the normal definition of casual sex, as I get my emotions fully involved with anyone I care for, and I don't think she completely understands that I secretly wish for something more with her than what she apparently sees me as.   Anyway...everyone has a way that they like to make love.  For me, I am most comfortable making out, giving oral, giving oral some more, giving alot more oral, maybe a little more oral ...and I like to come too, by tribbing and also, by a returned favor of lots of oral  combined with lots and lots of breast play.  It takes alot for me to get mentally in a place where I can lay back and be "done."  Mostly, she has to convince me that it is what SHE needs is to give me that pleasure ...and if I can mentally get there, I can finally relax and let her ravish me.  (and ravishing is good )  What else can I share.   Well, I get off having my nipples sucked and my tits massaged I think alot more than other women, (as I so enjoy doing that to them) and even though my pussy is screaming for attention from a lovers mouth, I always hate the moment when her mouth leaves my boobs to explore elsewhere ....it does beg for an eventual consummation of the lesbian threesome if one lover can just stay on my tits the whole time I am getting eaten (but thats alot to ask for I know.)  I never want deep penetration, but a little goes a long with men when fingers are joined by mouth.   Once my orgasms start to roll, I am considered multi-orgasmic, and not what they call a squirter but defintely a drencher.  Mostly, the love I love to make with a woman is more about intimacy rather than technique and urgency ...preferring to make out and feel all of the connection.  Not that I havent done a few things, but most would consider me a pretty vanilla and non-kinky lover.  Having said that, I have been fisted once and I do understand how that makes one feel which goes ALOT deeper than just the sexual release.  Was SO INTENSE, and I have to be in the right place mentally for that to ever happen again.  I was in love with the girl who did me that way, and took me there so softly, slowly and gently that we were both amazed in the experience. 

Well, back to the subject at hand, Lacy (of course that isnt her real name)  does love to make love the way I do from all she has said, but also, she won't give up the need for me to fuck her and not just with a vib or a dildo, but she insists what she wants and  needs is me to wear one  ..which she guarantees I will enjoy as much as she.  Well, frankly, it is hard for me to imagine myself with a big rubber dick hanging from my pussy.  I want to try new things and want to be open, especially after the things that Lacy has said to me.    I have never done toys with a woman in bed, and even though I fantasize about the strap on thing and always have, something about it doesn't seem quite right. ..and yet, I admit, something about it intrigues me enough to think that if I am fucking her and we are in total synch with each other emotionally as well as physically, then something about fucking a girl that way seems just right.  Maybe someone can explain to me these hesitations I feel.   I am just afraid that when its the big rubber dick in between us that I am going to lose a connection with her, but what do I have to gain ?   Maybe the more experienced with strap ons can help me.  Lacy says that it will all make sense when I fuck her.  I never had a woman so talk me into something I had been thinking I might never do.  But, its not about the orgasms I am considering this, it is because SHE WANTS this and I WANT to do it with her.  Even as I write this I am considering doing it with her the FIRST time.  Now, as I mentioned, I love grinding . Pussy to thigh, and with trust and comfort, pussy to pussy in sitting up positions and missionary as well with proper effort.   Yes, when tribbing, I have wanted to get deeper, but ..thats with me, not an extension of me.  I keep saying I can get the job done with my fingers and tongue and lips, but Lacy just have a great way of convincing me that when our breasts are bouncing together and her legs are wrapped around me that I will understand what she needs, and because she also understand what a giver I am, she realizes I think that she is tugging my heartstrings in that I always want to do whatever to get my lover off.  So ...we are planning a meeting ..and I have ordered this thing ..and I have to admit the naughty side of me that can't wait to try it on and see how it feels.  Just almost laughing at the thought of me and my strap on dick.  OH MY GAWD ...funny. 

Now ...I know that many women with LOTS more experience with toys and dildos and strap ons read this and are probably laughing and calling me naive or something. Help me understand please.  I just know what I like and prefer ..but Lacy has me convinced that this new experience is going to change me.  I haven't told her I have it, and I am sure she expects to bring hers but when we meet for that second time, if it happens, I am going to surprise her with it. My enchantment with her words and her voice has me doing things I wondered if I ever would ...now I share with you a newfound excitement to find something I am sure most lesbians take as what feels right for them.   She wants me to be her first since the painful breakup ...and I want to give to her all she needs and wants. Its the giver in me. I can't wait to know what its like, and I am tempted to do it with her the first time, but for now, am sticking to my guns and saying no toys our first time.  But I can't help but feel that there will be that moment where she needs more than I have :)I want to give her all I have because she is a very special woman. 

feedback to akiss2desire@gmail.com

For Bi Curious or Perhaps Lesbian in Heart Jill

Jill writes
Hello, I have been reading your blog recently and have been moved (sometimes quite literally). I am 24 years old and only been with guys. But ever since high school and a crush on a best friend, I know that I am a lesbian. It even feels odd, and exhilerating, to type that. I obviously am not out, at all. I don't really know what to do. I don't want to tell my friends or family until I know for certain. Meaning, that I only read about lesbian encounters on blogs like yours or by watching TV and movies with lesbian themes. I don't know how to meet people, yet alone another girl. I am somehere between cute and attractive (depending on my hair that day) and am curvy, but sliming down nicely due to my new obsession of cycling. I see girls all the time that are cute, sometimes I smile, but mostly I am very shy. I guess I am seeking advice and encouragement, so if you have any to offer, I would most definitely appreciate it. Thank you,

Jill,

When I get a letter like yours I always answer, if for no other reason than that I spent so many years wondering if anyone out there had any earthly idea what I was going through....and still feel that way.

Telling someone like me is one thing ...telling someone you have flesh and blood contact with is yet another. And while so many will say that those confessions will set you free, I know as much as anyone that the list of those who "wouldn't understand," is a long and powerful list of friends, family, co-workers and society in general, unfortunately. I think alot of it is where you live ...and alot of it is the company you keep. But having said all that, I did want to address something you note.

You said you "know" you are lesbian ..and that is something that I hope you embrace while you still can ...if you can. For me, I "knew" I was at least bisexual from the moment I understood what bisexual was. You mentioned your involvement with lesbian blogs, tv and movies. I was the same way but for me it happened at a very early age. At about the time all girls were batshit crazy about boys in 6th grade and gossiping about who got their period or pubic hair or kissed a boy, or for that matter, what boys and girls were supposed to do with each other in the dark, Those TV, Movie, Book, and pop culture references to all things lesbian stopped me in my tracks and caused me wonder. There was a fairly defining moment I guess came when I was reading ...for lack of a better term, a sex primer which was graphic in what sex was, as in completely informational, while not being pornographic. I think it was entitled Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask, and there was just a minimal amount in the book about lesbians and bisexual women....or at least not nearly enough for MY curiosity. I can remember though, right then and there, deciding, and a better term would be realizing, that I was at least that. The then frightening thought that I might be a lesbian crossed my mind, and was left undecided (as it turns out for another 16 or so years) ...but the thing I became sure of that day is that there was no way that I was only into boys. I used to babysit for a variety of parents in my early teens and when the parents would leave and I got the kids asleep, I always raided the bookshelves for the steamiest things I could find. (ever wonder why I was writing lesbian erotica from the first moment I got a computer ?) It should tell me something when I look back that soon I no longer felt a fear that I might be a lesbian, rather the new fear I found was that as I continued to have boyfriends and live a "normal" life, that I remember thinking "I don't want to be 40 years old before my first experience with a woman."

So, while day to day in the hallways and the movies and the dances I was always with a boy (lots of boys but thats another story), I remember now that my every INDIVIDUAL pursuit in private time was spent finding delight in lesbian references, erotica, and my own early age "gaydar" which involved imagining almost every woman of nearly every age, from my own friends to my moms friends, and every celebrity for certain, either as a lesbian or bisexual, or at least, as I was, curious. And then, let me at least briefly discuss masturbation. Again, I was masturbating at an earlier age than most ...with no apologies as I blogged about it here long ago, a makeout session with a pillow turned into alot of rubbing and eventually my first orgasm when I was in 5th grade. And at first, yes, I was thinking of boyfriends, but not long after that snap realization that I KNEW I was at least bisexual, in the throes of nearly daily orgasmic release, I almost never fantasized about boys or men. And yes ...when making out and making love with boys and men, the thoughts of women were always in mind. And a very stark memory was getting a hold of Penthouse magazine, with its cheezy "forum " stories and beautiful women. I remember the feelings many have of guilt and confusion, probably because the intensity of connection with the beautiful images I was looking at made me feel, somehow, "100% lesbian" in those masturbatory experiences, and I think at that point I was aware of how HUGE a change in my life being "100% lesbian" would be ..just wasn't ready to go there, ya know. But ..trust me...when I was coming over those airbrushed, large breasted, bleach blonde bimbos, I was as "100% lesbian" as can be....guilt or no guilt.

So I tell you all this to relate that while I had a "normal" life, secretly, I was waiting, hoping, and trying to create a lesbian sexual experience, which seemed harder than climbing Mount Everest. It didn't happen til I was 18 ...and I blogged about that first experience too. But the time from when I KNEW and from when I was in that "this is ACTUALLY HAPPENING" moment with my first, it was like eternity. Like it was everyday, and more correctly, every night in the dark, when I would wonder, "when, when WHen, WHEN !! is it going to happen." There were crushes I couldn't get past the fear of making the make or break move ..and total rejection and emotional devestation when I came out (and came on) to my best friend who I was SURE I was going to be making love with after I came out to her, and instead got the "Im not that way" response, and the end of a wonderful friendship. When the winds blow us together, even though its been 15 years, it's still awkward ...probably because she knows that I STILL wish she WAS that way then, and if she ever becomes that way, that I would wish she would become that way with her.

So Jill, you ask for advice and I am one voice of many perhaps that you should consult. But, mine would be to be prepared for rejection when and if you get the nerve to turn your bedroom fantasies into realities, and try not to let it devastate you. But as much as you need to steel yourself for a possible letdown, also know that you can also prepare yourself for something I am sure you already know is not even in the same universe as anything you have done with men. When you can find your way into her arms, your lips upon hers in that first kiss, and eventually making love, I assure you that while whatever emotions and intimate fulfillments you feel are of the moment and between you and your girl, the sexual and orgasmic realities will be earth shattering ..dare I say, life shattering ..at least for the part of your life that is your sexuality. I am sure it is different for everyone, but giving pleasure and feeling a womans reactions to my commitment to her pleasure and the tools of the trade so to speak of lips, tongue, fingers, hands, skin, passion, and MOST importantly, the intimate connection between two women making love, have been the most powerful and fantastic moments of my sexual life....and the thing I have grown to crave more of every minute, hour and day. I don't know how different I am, but lesbian sexual obsession ...amongst the day to day tasks of family, work and living , is a constant background noise of lesbian what ifs, how if's, and when again's that are like a constant, and acceptable companion.

While you inspired me to write about ME, I encourage YOU to find your path with no regrets. While I do think sometimes I wish I had known at an early age that I was lesbian, and not just bisexual as I believed, without the lateness of that realization, I would not have the life I have with my beautiful child. Life is more important than sex ..but don't kid yourself, sex is what we all desire constantly, and since you say you know there is a virgin lesbian inside you, I hope you find what works for you and devote some energy and as much vulnerability as you are comfortable with to find the intimate, emotional, and indeed, lesbian sexual high points of your life.

Finally, you mentioned that I was taking time to write you, a "stranger." Honey, while I write what I write on my blog because I can't imagine NOT writing what I write, for I have always written from the head, the heart, and my pussy, I have to tell you that the payment I get is having contact with someone as nice as you seem to be and hoping that by starting this blog so long ago, crossing paths with you and others like you, becomes my purpose for blogging. When you say it moved you, that moves me ....if it gets you off, so it does for me as well.

her first kiss



"My partners' and my kiss were both our first kiss. And we waited until we had been dating for a while, then took a train trip together down to New Orleans, to make sure we would still like each other when irritated and on the road.

We kissed after a Hurricane at Pat O Brians, in a small garden just after midnight in the french quarter of New Orleans. And we have been working on our kisses ever since."

Her Hidden Lesbian Life ...a bit more in the open now with annonymity.

Another Bloggin Sister :
Another honest to the core blogger is one I have run across and seems to have just started her blog with a sincere outpouring of lesbian emotion, experience, and erotica. Her words flow and she tells several stories at once ..almost a plot surrounded by several subplots. I love the writing and the story in My Hidden Lesbian Life ( http://hotkickboxer-myhiddenlesbianlife.blogspot.com )

She's married but lesbian (gee that sounds familiar and lets me know I'm not alone) and has found an intensity in a relationship that most of us can only dream of. When text messages number a thousand in a month, there is more than a spark. I'll be following her blog for anything she ever cares to post. She told me in an email that before this blog, nobody outside of those intimately involved had ever read her writing. It is truly magical. She is another of my sisters :)

Here is an excerpt from the post called "a little background" which tells the backstory of her lesbian life and where we pick up her story.

step 5. subtitled: disaster. or, the beginning of the end. Let me back up. It didn't go straight to disaster. I had an amazing 2 month relationship with her. My husband started a 2nd shift job the day that we began our affair. That allowed us a tremendous amount of freedom to be together, whether on the phone, online, or in person. I would often go by the base that she was working at with some trumped up reason, just to see her. She was absolutely unbelievable. I couldn't get enough of her. If I wasn't interacting with her somehow, I was thinking about her. Her life was fairly full. Twin 6 year old daughters, split from her husband, split from her boyfriend, and living with her girlfriend. Yeah, I was definitely low man on the totem pole, but it was ok. She wanted what I wanted. A low-key, no strings relationship. Just for fun. Except, I got too involved. The first month, I had 1400 texts. That's not a typo. 1400 texts, and over 1000 of them were from her. She was my morning, noon, and night. I didn't mean to become so involved, but she was there, she flourished on my attention, ate it up. And I loved being able to give it to her. It made me feel good, I had hope, maybe what I wanted wasn't so far out there. I had only been able to hook up with her physically twice, with just the two of us. Once, she came to my house. She was incredibly nervous, understandably, and while we kissed, it was a bit awkward. Then there was the movie. I made up a story; she bought tickets, & her sister bailed. I'm going to go with her. We of course never made it---other than her parking at the theater and riding with me. I was so nervous! We went to a local bar & grill, and had a couple of drinks. She looked so gorgeous. Tight blue jeans, flip flops, and a white wife-beater t-shirt with a sports bra. Her hair was down, I don't think I ever saw it that way before. She made me squirm on my barstool, and I tried to touch her at every possible time. As far as everyone else knew, we were just a couple of friends out for a drink. If they had any idea of what was going through my head, they would have charged admission! We decided to leave the bar, and at that point, my heart was dropping. No opportunity for mischief? Boldly, I asked her where we could go. It was all down to this---she could very easily tell me to take her to her car. Then, we parked. Yes, like high school kids. We parked at the local big box store, which was long closed, and made out. I was definitely the aggressor, but she was more than ok with that. I lifted her chin with my index finger and stared into those beautiful blue eyes. Kissing wasn't just kissing---full exploration, mouth, face, neck, running my hands along her body, touching her everywhere. Tongues brushing, tightening circles, fingertips brushing her collarbone, up and down her arms. It was definitely full body involvement. Long, steamy kisses, sweet moans, the touch of her skin. Nibbling along her jawline, inhaling her, lips brushing her collarbone. I was honestly surprised at myself, at how aggressive I was, and how I knew what to do, where to touch her to please her, but I knew what I wanted. I brushed her right breast with my hand, and asked for permission. She could only say, "mmmm". I chuckled a little at that. Maybe she was enjoying herself as much as I was. I lifted her breast out of her t-shirt. I had all of this pent up emotion, years of frustration, and the fact that I was upside down about her. She never had a chance. I licked and gently sucked her nipple, while massaging it from below. Pulling slightly, it became hard in my mouth, and all the hot little noises that she was making had me beyond all reason. I would have fucked her, right there. In the parking lot of Big Lots, parked between two delivery trucks. I would have rocked her world, but reality intruded. Eventually, we had to stop. Ironically, her girlfriend was watching her kids while we were on our date. The "movie" could only last so long. Plus, my husband was waiting on me to call. I called him from the parking lot, with her hot and breathless beside me, and told him what a flop the movie was. All the while running my hand up & down her thigh, her abdomen, breasts, and jawline. God, I'm such a bitch. I stole a few more, less intense kisses, imagining all those to come.

Read the whole story here ...and good luck to my new blogging friend.
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